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Sweet, Sweet Crack
pairings nature never intended
Recent Entries 
3rd-Jul-2006 01:00 pm - In Which Cid is Old as Hell
Echo Screen
Title: Mechanical Resonance, epilogue
Fandom: FFVII (AC)
Pairing: Cid & about 8 million great-grandkids
Rating: G

Summary: Pure self-indulgent goofiness. Great-Grandpa Cid thrills his young descendants with a tale of his narrow escape from mako doom!

“...and that’s why all the airships have eye scanners on the ignition now.”Collapse )
Yazoo is amused
Title: Mechanical Resonance, bit #3
Fandom: FFVII (AC)
Pairing: Yazoo x Cid x Highwind
Rating: R (for language, mostly)

Summary: OMG the tawdry saga concludes! (bit #1 is here, and bit #2 is here.) Cid recovers from his pummeling; Kadaj figures out the turbines; the driveshaft does exactly what it is supposed to do. Nice flying.


Dreams would have been nice.Collapse )
20th-Jun-2006 10:06 am - To the Mystery-Mobile!
sharkcowsheep
Title: "Double Trouble"
Fandom: FFVII
Pairing: Sephiroth x Cloud, Rufus x Tseng (OMG so vanilla)
Rating: PG
Theme: #26, "that's a nice hat"

Summary: They'd have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for those nosy kids!


“I had a, uh, a personal matter. Sir.”Collapse )


Written in response to lightbulby's challenge to write a cliche pairing for once. You get TWO!
15th-Jun-2006 11:39 pm - Perverting Puzzle Games
Ohohoho
*waves* Hi crack addicts! =D I'm animekittysama or Schala-Kitty, I respond to either name. sharkcowsheep's awesomely insane fiction lead me here and I've been contemplating joining for some time. Well, since I have something weird to offer, I'd decided that now was a good a time as any to submit something. So here is a piece of candy for Meteos fans. ^o^/

From Photosynthesis to Pollination
Series: Meteos
Pairing: Lastaral/Florisian
Theme: #7 bright light
Rating: PG-13ish?
Warnings: Intersex character, gender-neutral pronouns
Summary: More than just a political alliance


Preface: If you don't know about Meteos, check either Official Site or the Wiki Article. Basically, it's an addictive puzzle game about cute vector drawn abstract aliens.

You speak of conquestCollapse )
Hi-Potion
Title: Mechanical Resonance, bit #2
Fandom: FFVII (AC)
Pairing: Yazoo + Cid + Highwind
Rating: PG-13 for language. Still no h0ttpr0nz, it'll get there. There's some bondage, at least.

Summary: (bit #1 is here.) In the course of trying to get the Highwind running, it comes to light that Cid, for various reasons, requires a lot of bludgeoning.


“Nice weather for being a real bastard,” he observed.Collapse )
Yahuh. Whatever.
Title: Mechanical Resonance, bit #1
Fandom: FFVII (AC)
Pairing: eventually, Yazoo + Highwind
Rating: PG-13 for language

Summary: The triplets want the Highwind. Only Cid knows how to fly her. It's not going to go smoothly.
(the next bit is where the smut happens, please bear with me. :) )


The goddamn coolant conduit had rattled loose again.Collapse )


***
***


Super bonus themed ficlet from the Drabble Generator:

A Driveshaft In TimeCollapse )
2nd-Jun-2006 09:45 am - Materia Gone Wild, Spring Break 2006
Avocado: delicious materia
Title: "Slotted Materia"
Fandom: FFVII
Pairing: Red Materia x Green Materia
Rating: PG

Summary: Locked in a box with nothing to do, the materia grow restive. Very short and to the point.


What was there to do but talk?Collapse )



NOTE: In Advent Children, a green materia is used to summon Bahamut. Normally this would be impossible since green materia can't DO that. Apparently there is one that can, and this is how it happened.

GLARING CONTINUITY ERROR SOLVED IN 205 WORDS! WOOO-HOOOO! BEAT THAT, SQUARE-ENIX!
26th-May-2006 10:11 pm - The Reunion nobody ever talks about
Axel introduces his parents
Title: "Red", bit #2
Fandom: FFVII
Pairing: Reno x Red XIII
Rating: PG-13


Summary: The stunning conclusion of the 2-bit saga! (bit #1 is here) Red and Reno meet face-to-face, and Red reveals the secret plans he's been harboring for so long. Will Reno break his heart? OMG.


“Look. If you’re my dad, we can just get that out of the way right now.”Collapse )
25th-May-2006 05:53 pm - Mmm, Hangang BBQ.
sharkcowsheep
Title: "Red", bit #1
Fandom: FFVII
Pairing: Reno x Red XIII
Theme: completely theme-free, w00t
Rating: PG

Summary: Bit #1 of a 2-bit thing. Red obviously knows something Reno doesn't, and arranges a private meeting over dinner. Reno wonders what the heck Cloud's dog wants from him.


There was a truly odd wet whuffing sound. It sounded…snouty.Collapse )
sharkcowsheep
Title: The Maneuver at Maesengracht
Fandom: FFVII (pre-AC)
Pairing: Zack x Tseng
Theme: #2, "handwritten letter"
Rating: PG-13

Summary: Zack's got a plan to take the head Turk down a notch, but to do it properly he'll need help that General Sephiroth would never willingly give. Time to put on his thinking pants!


Zack had never thought much of the Turks, and Tseng was more of a bastard than most.Collapse )
16th-May-2006 06:27 pm - All's Fair
Yazoo is amused
Title: "As Nature Intended"
Fandom: FFVII (AC)
Pairing: Buster Sword x Souba
Theme: #16, "carbon" (for carbon steel--a little iffy, but what the hell?)
Rating: PG

Summary: Cloud's legendary Buster Sword, abandoned on a cliff for two years, is not happy. Kadaj's twin-bladed Souba, on the other hand, is quite happy to have found him.


Swords have souls. Anyone who uses a sword regularly knows this.Collapse )
Crab fight!
Title: "Piece of Cake"
Fandom: FFVII (AC)
Pairing: Rude x Marlene
Theme: NO FRICKIN' THEME
Rating: G

Summary: Rude's birthday has not been entirely to his liking, but Marlene thinks she knows how to fix it. Based on a challenge to include 'tiara' and 'gumball'. :)


Just a piece of cake, but that’s not how they do things.Collapse )
11th-May-2006 07:14 pm - Time to let out the General
Yazoo is amused
Title: "Cat Eyes"
Fandom: FFVII (AC)
Pairing: Sephiroth x Cait Sith
Theme: #23, "king of the world, baby"
Rating: G

Summary: Only Sephiroth can see Cait's true potential for greatness! Sure, it'll take a little work, and they'll have to become very good friends, but it'll be worth it.


It had never occurred to him that something that looked like a cartoon cat would be worth his time...Collapse )
Yazoo is amused
Title: Cured Meat
Fandom: FFVII (AC)
Pairing: Kadaj x Yazoo x Loz x bacon
Theme: #9, "in the kitchen"
Rating: PG

Summary: Post-AC, the triplets have been returned to life by the benificence of Aeris and Cloud, but how will they adjust to a new world without Jenova? They quickly learn that the key to happiness is to keep yourself busy, and to enjoy life's simple pleasures. Not as fluffy as it sounds.


Life had settled down again, after what had passed into local legendry as the Bad Day.Collapse )
Alpaca: dork.
Title: "Just For Looks"
Fandom: FFVII (AC)
Pairing: Red XIII's Cub #1 x Red XIII's Cub #2
Theme: #17, "now there's two of them"
Rating: PG

Summary: A short drabble answering the question of what the heck Red XIII's sons do to keep themselves amused after he abandons them on the cliff when the opening credits of Advent Children are over. Seriously, he just leaves them there. Never to be seen again. THIS IS THEIR STORY.


What are we supposed to be doing here?Collapse )
6th-May-2006 04:42 am - Variety [1/?] [rufus x (?)]
sharkcowsheep
Story by whisperinghope

Title; Variety [1/?]
Rating; PG (mental images + crack)
Summary; Rufus' secret love isn't... what you think it is. (Hell, she wasn’t even gazing up into his eyes - people usually did, and their next sentence would be, "You have beautiful eyes.")
Pairings; Rufus x Coffee Machine
Notes; Fo complained how she was a slave and had nobody to write for her - well, and I asked her what she wanted. She jokingly suggested the pairing, and and then said I could write whatever I wanted. So. Yes. ;) Beware of crack in excess.
Dedication; [info]renovak

Nobody understands me like you do.Collapse )


(crossposted from faroffmemory)
6th-May-2006 04:18 am - Close your eyes and think of Midgar
Yazoo is amused
Title: "Can't Top a Waffle"
Fandom: FFVII (AC)
Theme: #28, "breakfast"
Pairing: Cloud x Maple Syrup (dubiously consensual)
Rating: PG

Summary: A short one-off insipred—nay, demanded by the following quote: “Cloud couldn't even top if he was straight. He can't top a waffle. The maple syrup would uke his ass.”


Cloud tried very hard not to think about it, the same way he tried not to think about it when he was faced with scrambled eggs.Collapse )
18th-Apr-2006 12:51 am - Splendor in the Grass
sharkcowsheep
Title: Guns and Carnivorous Plants
Fandom: FFVII (AC)
Theme: #27, "green"
Pairing: Reno x Potted Plant
Rating: NC-17. It's filthy smut!

Summary: Reno has been coveting Elena's carnivorous plants for months, and finally siezes the chance to make his move. Contains dirty plant sex.


He’d have to put that in the report.Collapse )
17th-Apr-2006 02:09 pm(no subject)
Yahuh. Whatever.
Title: Identification
Fandom: FFVII (AC)
Theme: #13, "bet you can't get there in time"
Pairing: Tseng's Shin-Ra Corp ID Card x Kadaj
Rating: G

Summary: After the disastrous expedition to the Crater that nearly cost two Turks their lives, Kadaj and his brothers examine their loot. Kadaj likes what he sees. Serious-ish, only moderately pervy.



'You shot him?' Yazoo nodded again. 'In the face.'Collapse )
16th-Apr-2006 11:06 pm - Look at the Size of That Thing
sharkcowsheep
Title: Kiss Him For Me, chapter 1
Fandom: FFVII (AC)
Theme: #19, "I can fly!"
Pairing: Aeris + Bahomet
Rating: G

Summary: Aeris needs a breather from being God, and a pleasant afternoon in Chocobo Heaven with Zack seems like just the thing. But the object of her affections is locked in mortal battle in the human world--will Cloud tear her love apart?

Chapter 1 only. More to come. :)

'Did you know he smells of paprika?'Collapse )
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