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Sweet, Sweet Crack
pairings nature never intended
A very porridge-y feelin' 
24th-Dec-2006 12:22 am
Deliciously Moist
Title: "Magic Shoes"
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts 2
Pairing: Piglet/Sora's Sneakers
Rating: PG (wholesome family reading!)

Summary: It's a beautiful day, and Piglet has that porridge-y feeling in his middle again. Sora takes a break from his adventures in the Hundred Acre Wood and helps him feel much better.

(reposted from its original home in yaoi_challenge, where it was originally written for the Yuletide round)


“Piglet,” said Pooh thoughtfully, “This is all Very Peculiar, I think.”

“I know, Pooh,” said Piglet, scuffing one foot over the hard dirt of the path that ran past the bear’s house. “It’s just…”

“Yes?” asked Pooh. An orange butterfly was floating through the air not a foot above his head. How pretty!

“Well…er…I thought maybe Christopher Robin might have left some here and…forgotten about them.”

“Lovely!” Pooh said, because the butterfly had just landed on his nose. He looked at it intently, and wondered if perhaps it was looking at him too. He felt sure it was.

“You think so too?” Piglet’s little heart leapt. Pooh, of all people, understood about shoes?

“Of course I do, Piglet. Hello there!” Pooh wrinkled his nose at his orange visitor, who paid him no mind at all.

Piglet heaved a heavy sigh, and stared down at the scuffs he’d made in the dust. Pooh certainly did not understand about shoes. Piglet didn’t understand it either, really, but there was something about them that made such a porridge-y feeling in his middle and there was no arguing with that. As a Very Small Animal, he spent most of his time around people’s feet. He understood feet and he liked them, even Kanga’s, which were of a very long and silly shape. But when feet were covered in shoes, they became a hundred times more interesting.

Christopher Robin’s shoes were small and brown, Piglet knew. Small and brown with a strap over the top and green scuffs on the heels from climbing trees, and a brass buckle on the strap that Christopher Robin always buckled on the second hole. They had rubber soles. He felt very porridge-y indeed, thinking about it all.

Pooh sneezed. The butterfly flew away. Contented, he flumphed back on his round bottom and smiled happily at his small friend.

“Sorry, Piglet, were you saying something?”

“Oh. Er.” Piglet hesitated, then shook his head. “I think I’m, um, finished. Thank you, Pooh.”

“You’re very welcome, Piglet,” said Pooh, all graciousness.

Piglet turned and shuffled further down the path as Pooh began to rock idly back and forth. The path went past the stream that ran through the Hundred Acre Wood, and it seemed as good a place to go as any other. It was a beautiful day for a game of some sort, there was no question about it. The birds were chirping in the trees, the sun shining down was the perfect kind of not-too-hot, and he was wearing his absolutely most favorite jumper. All the same, somehow he didn’t feel play-ish. He felt think-ish.

The thoughts in his head were big and complicated and a bit confusing, and as he was a Very Small Animal, he thought perhaps his brain might be a bit too small for all of them. It felt pinchy.

Maybe, he considered as he scuffed along, if he managed to forget some of his big thoughts they would fit better. But he didn’t want to be Tigger-bounced, not even a little bit, and Pooh-Sticks didn’t work if it was just one Pooh-Stick, so what could he do?

He reached the stream, which sparkled in the sun and went gloop-glup over the rocks, and sat down on the grass. Above him, a few clouds floated by. One of them looked a little like a boot, didn’t it? He could do Cloud-Shapes.

That one looked like a…er. What did you call galoshes if there was just one? Galosh? And that one was a sandal, and the one just behind it was a…another sandal, or something, if the sandal was stepping on a potato.

A slow parade of shoes drifted past, and neither the pinchy feeling in his brain nor the porridge-y feeling in his middle got any better. Oh, this wasn’t working at all.

Piglet wasn’t sure how long he stayed there, just staring up, before one of the clouds was suddenly replaced by a spiky shape with a face. It was grinning.

“Oh!” said Piglet, very startled.

“Hi, Piglet!” said Sora, flopping down next to him. “What’re you doing down here?”

“Oh, er…nothing, really, just uh…”

“Looking at clouds, huh?” Sora laid back and tucked his hands behind his head. “I used to do that a lot. Not so much time for it now, though.”

“Er,” said Piglet, his mouth gone all dry of a sudden. Sora was drumming his heels on the grass. First one foot would bounce up, then the other. Then the first one again. Then the other. He couldn’t look away.

Sora had new shoes.

“Just got back from Atlantica,” Sora mused. “All that singing and swimming, it gets really tiring after a while, you know? Thought I’d take a break. Just a short one.”

“Good idea,” Piglet agreed, feeling a bit flushed.

The first time Sora came to the Hundred Acre Wood, he had the most marvelous big yellow shoes, yellow and black and so bouncy-looking, with laces and straps. And a nubbly sole, very nubbly. Piglet remembered them perfectly. They’d been almost as tall as he was.

These new ones were also yellow and black. Mostly black. Still nubbly and very strappy indeed but they had zippers running up the toes now. Zippers! And, Piglet was sure of it, they were even larger than the last ones.

“I was kind of hoping that singing might work on Heartless the way it worked on Ursula and her eels,” Sora was saying, “but I tried it in Hollow Bastion and Leon just laughed at me and I had to use the keyblade anyway, so…huh.”

Piglet nodded, paying no attention whatsoever to what Sora was saying. They were certainly larger, yes they were. Zippers!

“You okay?” Sora asked him. “You look a little, I dunno, pink.”

“I’m sorry,” said Piglet instinctively. “I don’t mean to be pink!”

Sora looked at him oddly, for a few seconds. Then he started laughing as though Piglet had said something hilarious, and spent the next few minutes snorting and hooting and banging his heels on the ground some more, which made Piglet feel sure he looked even more pink.

“You’re a piglet, Piglet,” Sora finally wheezed, getting to his feet. “Like you’d be green or something.”

Piglet watched as Sora scraped those magnificent shoes off, wriggled his toes in the grass, and waded into the stream. “C’mon!” he called. “Water’s great. Cold, but great.”

“Oh dear, I can’t go in there!” Piglet hopped about on the bank in a spasm of anxiety. “I’m too small! I’d be washed away!”

“Aw, come on. You’re big enough to wade, aren’t you?” Sora sloshed back out of the stream and bent to pick up Piglet by his ears.

“I can’t!” Piglet insisted, covering his eyes. “I’d go straight to the ocean and never find my way back, ever!”

“Well, okay,” said Sora. “You’re missing out, though. Finny fun! Fish try to eat your toes.”

Piglet squeaked, squirming in terror at the thought, and Sora laughed again before dropping him. Thoop, went Piglet, straight down, and disappeared into his right sneaker.

It would have been a kind of mean thing to do, Sora thought, if they’d been any old shoes, but Yen Sid said they were magic, and magic shoes didn’t get stinky. Sparkly clean all the time—even without socks! He’d been tromping around all the worlds in them and they still smelled like daisies, which was kind of funny. Donald’s girlfriend was named Daisy. She smelled like them too, which meant that she smelled like his feet. How gross was that? Grinning to himself, he splashed back into the stream.

It took a few minutes of wading and picking around for neat rocks before he looked up and noticed that Piglet hadn’t come out. Hadn’t said anything, either.

“Piglet?” he called. “You okay?”

“…J-just fine!”

Piglet sounded a little strange, Sora thought.

“You sure?”

There was no reply for a few seconds, and then a little squeaky sound like the tiniest hamster wheel ever.

Sora lurched out of the stream, calling the keyblade to his hand just in case, and picked up his right shoe. He shook it, gently.


No answer.

He was half-expecting a tiny Heartless or something to be in there too when he tipped his shoe out. It was just Piglet though, and he looked so happy despite being dumped on the grass. His eyes were closed, his arms and legs flopped every which way.


“Yes, Sora?”

“What just happened?”

Piglet thought Big Thoughts for a moment, folded his hands over his stomach, and then said “Er.”

Sora scratched the back of his head. Suddenly everything had gotten really, really awkward, and he was trying hard not to figure out why. The keyblade sort of…fizzled away, like it wanted nothing to do with this either. “I think I’m gonna go,” he said.

Piglet scrambled to his feet. “Oh!” he said. “Already?”

“Yeah. There’s probably Heartless or something in Hollow Bastion,” Sora explained. “Doing, uh. Heartless stuff.”

“Oh dear,” said Piglet, looking up at him with big worried eyes. “That sounds important.”

“It kinda is, yeah. See you later, Piglet.”

“Bye, Sora!” Piglet beamed at him, and waved.

Sora jammed his feet back into his shoes and jogged back the way he came, back to the portal out of the book. There was absolutely, positively, no freaking way anything funny had happened back there—that was Piglet, for crying out loud! Tiny, pink, nervous Piglet! It just wasn’t possible, at all. Ever.



Sparkly clean, even without socks. Oh man, did he ever owe Yen Sid.


24th-Dec-2006 09:58 pm (UTC)
o_o lmfao. this amused me greatly...perhaps more than it should have.

You win.
24th-Dec-2006 10:04 pm (UTC)
"He’d been tromping around all the worlds in them and they still smelled like daisies, which was kind of funny. Donald’s girlfriend was named Daisy. She smelled like them too, which meant that she smelled like his feet. How gross was that?"

O-M-G-SORA!!! XDXDXD He's so...so...stupid! I love how you wrote him! XD

This is good good crack! PIGGLET LOVE! =D
(Deleted comment)
25th-Dec-2006 01:02 am (UTC)
Wow. That was bloody brilliant, in it's cracky little way.
The style really impressed me, though. The use of words and stuff. It sounded great. ^_^
25th-Dec-2006 05:19 am (UTC)
Wow... just... wow. That was so gloriously, perfectly in character and wrong all at the same time. XD
8th-Jan-2007 08:12 pm (UTC)
Omg. I loved this. Loved. It was so crazy and yet perfectly reasonable, as though someone had suddenly flipped Kingdom Hearts over and shaken it, and all kinds of unsightly things had come falling out. The mental images had me squirming between hysterics and embarrassment. Go you!
4th-Mar-2007 03:43 am (UTC)
YOU? WIN 73/-/ 1/\/73R/\/37. \/\/00!
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