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Sweet, Sweet Crack
pairings nature never intended
to sharkcowsheep, this would be "fluff" 
28th-Jul-2006 05:46 am
fuck you chelios
Uuuweeee, this is a cool place. I will have much fun here. I would like to introduce a series of ficcies that I am titling "箆棒二人組", or "Absurd Couple". I'll start soft (for my own sake). And then proceed on with real crackfic. And if you like these, I have a whole other series of ficcies that's just ready to be written right after 箆棒二人組. So! On with it, then?

Title: "Race of the Stoics"
Fandom: FF7
Theme: #13, "Bet you can't get there in time"
Pairing: Vincent x Red XIII
Rating: R? NC-17? Not sure. One of those two...

In the dying light of the eternal sunset that forever dyed the Cosmo Canyon red and orange sat an unlikely, yet entirely likely, pair. Vincent Valentine stood placidly, quietly watching a distant point near the everlasting sun. Red XIII, known by another secret name only he knew, sat next to him, watching in the other direction. Whomever saw them would think two pals were recollecting together in the sunset.

But not quite right.

"I'll race you," the slightly more competitive Red XIII spoke huskly and brisk to Vincent, tail twitching from dust collecting at the base.

"To what?" Vincent asked with his deep, silky voice what seemed to delight Red XIII's sexual interest.

"To the secluded room in the side of the wall, there," Red XIII replied coyishly, indicating a raised chamber above Turtle's Paradise. Vincent eyed it.

"Fine," he replied, turning toward it, "I'll win."

Red XII crouched low, waiting, his tail flicking back and forth in testiness. No signal was given, but both pounced and ran like demon's fire up the stone steps, rounding the corner, up the rickety wicker rope ladder...

But Red XIII's paw scooped free of the rung of the rope ladder, and without missing a beat, Vincent flung himself into the tiny hut, victor. Narrowly behind him, having jumped back up from defeat, Red XIII barged into it as well. Both were out, panting, sweating. Well, not Red XIII, but you know, he was panting.

"What now?" Vincent said tiredly.

"I'll race you," Red XIII replied through heavy, sexy pants.

"To what?"

"First to get undressed."

Vincent, for a millisecond, thought how easily Red XIII would win this one. He only had body jewelery. It was so simple. But being only slightly less competitive than Red XIII, Vincent began undressing. He swung off cloaks and trousers alike, metal dropping, experimental scars revealing themselves. Red XIII, however, was stuck on his hair pendant. His paws could not reach, and it was tightly clamped to a large tuft or red mane so as to prevent removal during battle. By the time Vincent was naked, Red XIII, again just behind him, shook his head free of the clip.

"Yes?" Vincent asked, hard as a rock.

"I'll race you, first to orgasm," he said, and immediately jumped on Vincent's back. The weight of Red XIII brought Vincent to his knees, allowing passage of one fuzzy cock into his ass.

It was, to say, remarkable.

The incredible leg muscles of the dogther that was Red XIII built up the force to bump and bang violently against Vincent's small and frail body. The feeling was immense. Loud moans and screams of pleasure came from Vincent's being, rising in heat. And the fact Red XIII was an animal who was usually much hotter than most humans, it was hard not to be hard. But we know who would win. Red XIII went so fast and so unhumanlike, it was impossible for Vincent not to automatically orgasm.

When Red XIII's claws finally dug into Vincent's side, the arch of his back reversed and the heigh of pleasure passed through his vision as a red, fiery blaze of passion that died long after it has started. On and on, he breathed heavily, shuddering from the zenith, his juices all over his chest and chin and beyond. Red XIII, again only second behind Vincent, growled roughly and howled as he ejected his own bodily love into Vincent's backside. At the end, Vincent began to move with him against the air, as if the feeling had died so suddenly and he wanted more.

At last, they detached, and fell to the floor of the small elevated hut, panting, but smiling. Vincent's smile suddenly got bigger as he stood and tried to get rid of all the semen on his body.

"I won. Every time."

Red XIII replied, "Well, that last one, for sure. But I let you win the other times."

Vincent stood still. Violence was in his eyes.

"... A joke," Red XIII said after a moment.

When they were finished, the opened the cloth covering of the hut and looked out at the Cosmo Canyon floor.

There stood every resident of the Cosmo Canyon and every member of AVALANCHE, simply staring at them, some with pink faces. Though nothing was said, you know that, in the end, some beastiality was going down in the Land of the Setting Sun and Stars.

28th-Jul-2006 02:23 pm (UTC)
I would do my "omg this was fun I'm going to hell" dance, but sadly, having written something-akin-to-fluff between those two once, I can't do it, so...

YAHOOOO VINCENTxRED XIII!!!! *happy dance xD*
28th-Jul-2006 03:52 pm (UTC)
This is fluff of the HIGHEST order, it is goofy and delicious! I loved that repetition of "I'll race you". I snickered like a dork the whole time.
28th-Jul-2006 04:12 pm (UTC)
Sweeeeet :-D
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