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Sweet, Sweet Crack
pairings nature never intended
When Wings Collide 
2nd-Dec-2006 12:03 am
In celebration of OFFICIAL WINGSHIP DAY (dude, Crisis Core trailer) I bring you a big ol' bucket of dirty dirty wingsex! If you haven't actually watched the trailer, read no further! There will be hot and juicy spoilers! Or rather, just the one hot and juicy spoiler. About, you know, the fact that Angeal has a wing.

Rating: Werksafe.
Fandom: FFVII (Crisis Core-Era)
Pairing: Sephiroth's Wing x Angeal's Wing
(plus bonus Wingy Tseng, Reeve, Cait, Zack, and Cloud. It's sex because wings are sex, you see?)

By maeveth:


[ SCENE: SOLDIER barracks, night. Three beds all nicely lined up. Sephiroth in one, Angeal in the next one over, Zack on the end. ]

Zack: *Snnnnnnnrrrrrk*
Between Beds: *rustle of feathers and whatnot*

[ pause ]

Sephiroth: ...feathers of lustful passion? You're kidding, right?
Angeal: Oh god, it's going to be one of those nights.
Zack: *stops snoring*

[ pause with much rustling and smacking ]

Angeal: You didn't just use the phrase 'pound me with those pinions', did you?
Sephiroth: *groan of dismay*
Zack: Uh...

[ lengthy pause, frenetic wingsmacking followed by wing droopage ]

Zack: Did they just...
Angeal: Normally they're not that corny.
Sephiroth: That's what you get for reading Zack's romance novels.
Zack: !!!!
Angeal: Yours was just as bad.
Sephiroth: ...true.
Zack: *shoves his head under his pillow to try and shut out the mental images*

[ fin ]

By sharkcowsheep:


[Angeal and Sephiroth are standing next to each other in a nondescript location within a ShinRa compound. It's all gritty and industrial and stuff. They are facing Zack, who is eating a sandwich.]

Angeal: Nice day, isn't it?
Sephiroth: Eh.
Zack: *chews*

[There is a noticeable rustling sound behind Angeal and Sephiroth. At first it looks as though two separate creatures--one black, one white--are fighting back there. Zack stops chewing.]

Zack: Dude. What the hell?
Sephiroth: *sighs*
Angeal: They do this. Every damn time.

[The rustling gets louder, with loose feathers flying everywhere and periodic smacking sounds.]

Zack: So, I see you've both got wings there. That's, you know, pretty freaky.
Sephiroth: Just the one wing.
Angeal: Apiece. Don't ask.
Zack: Yeah, okay. *chews*

[The rustling reaches a crescendo of straining, quivering pinions. Downy black and white feathers settle slowly out of the air afterwards as the wings droop, sated. Sephiroth is blushing faintly, Angeal is not. Sephiroth scratches his nose.]

Zack: They...weren't fighting, were they?
Sephiroth: Not really.
Angeal: They do it three times a day sometimes. Gets tiring.

[Zack thinks about this.]

Zack: Can I take pictures next time? My girlfriend would love that.
Sephiroth: Die.


By sharkcowsheep:


[Inside a ShinRa office building. It's business as usual; everything is full of efficient bustle and everyone's got ties on. Tseng, clearly on his way to a meeting, pauses to speak to a lower-ranking employee.]

Tseng: Where's your wing?
Nameless Flunky: I, uh. I don't have one?
Tseng: Everyone has one.
Nameless Flunky: Really?

[Tseng unfurls one stately dove-grey wing out of a slit in the back of his suit jacket. He flaps it once, for effect; the flunky's papers scatter all over the hallway.]

Tseng: Really.

[Reeve Tuesti must be on his way to the same meeting Tseng is, as he bustles down the hall with his arms full of document folders. Spotting Tseng, he pokes out his own dusty-brown wing to offer a polite wave. On his shoulder, Cait Sith does the same. As usual, Cait is smirking.]

Nameless Flunky: Hot.
Tseng: ...Rather. I suggest you have yours installed at once.


By maeveth:


[ Shinra guard barracks. Cloud is sitting on his bunk with his head in his hands; Zack walks in. ]

Zack: Hey, I heard you got your wing today!
Cloud: I don't wanna talk about it.
Zack: *frown* Why not?
Cloud: Because I don't, okay?
Zack: Oh, come on. I'll show you mine, okay? See?

[ Zack unfurls a pretty glossy black wing from a slit in his uniform. ]

Zack: See, wings aren't so bad. Come on, show me yours, please?
Cloud: *eyes him* You have to promise not to laugh.
Zack: *bewildered* Why would I laugh? Come on, show me.
Cloud: Well...okay. But you can't tell anyone.

[ Cloud unfurls one wing...and it's...pink. Pretty glossy pink with sparkles and little rainbow glitteries. ]

Zack: *stares, bugeyed* It's...it's...
Cloud: *siiiiiiigh* They said it suited me.
Zack: Uh...yeah. *just kind of does the sympathetic man-hug thing*

[ fin ]
(Deleted comment)
2nd-Dec-2006 01:15 am (UTC)
I got me a half-dozen. I want to be SURE.
(Deleted comment)
2nd-Dec-2006 02:03 am (UTC)
(Deleted comment)
2nd-Dec-2006 01:52 am (UTC)
God, I love today =D

*cough* Yes WINGSEX! Lots and lots of wing sex.

Fuck, let Nero and his freaky mecha wings get in on some of that too =B
2nd-Dec-2006 07:11 am (UTC)
Boy, I know fuckall about Nero but I'm sure I can whip something out. :D OOC crossover ahoy!

[Zack has left Cloud alone on his bunk, presumably to go sneak a few consolatory beers into the barracks. Cloud's pink-sugar wing is still poking out the back of his uniform. It shifts and sparkles in the dim light as he sighs, which he does every few seconds.]

Cloud: They'll never let me be First Class with a pink wing.

[Nero walks in, dressed in the uniform of a Second Class. His own wings are completely awesome.]

Nero: Yarr.

[Cloud gawps at him. Cloud's wing perks up of its own accord and twinkles flirtatiously at Nero's mechanical honeys]

Cloud: Man, you have two! Can I have your spare?
Nero: No. But you may have sex with me.
Cloud: Oh. All right, then.

[Porn. THE END!]
2nd-Dec-2006 07:16 am (UTC)
*blissfully curls up in the lovely pile of molted feathers*
4th-Dec-2006 04:22 pm (UTC)
There will never be a day where this place does not kill me dead, and do so within less than ten minutes.

... mmmwingsex.
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